Thinking of them the second I woke up, walking around all day with tears in my eyes—that was nothing.
The burning in my heart, wanting them with my whole body and still not being able to reach them… all of that was nothing.
The day after I decided to forget them, I started experiencing things I simply couldn’t comprehend.
Every day, especially in the afternoons, my heart would tighten so much. I would just stay where I was and wait for it to pass.
And whenever I placed my hand over my chest, it felt like fire.
My stomach area was just as hot and was trembling.
And by the time my whole body started going numb, I would be crying. Crying relieved me, at least a little.
This was how I interpreted what I was going through, They’re thinking of me too, and that’s why I’m feeling this intense energetic connection. I’m experiencing the pain of it right now, I told myself.
When those feelings began, there was nothing I could do except wait for them to leave me.
As night came, everything would calm down a little.
It was one of those days again.
But this time, I felt different. An incredible excitement filled me.
I could hear my own heartbeat.
All at once, I felt an overwhelming desire for them.
Even though I wasn’t usually in that kind of state, I lay down on my bed and closed my eyes.
My hand kept a gentle rhythm between my legs.
They were there as soon as I closed my eyes.
This… this couldn’t be my imagination.
It was so clear, so vivid.
We were back in the moment we first met each other.
We were looking into each other’s eyes, holding each other. And when I held them, I could feel that same mystical warmth all through my body again.
That warmth only deepened the desire inside me.
At one point, I felt an intense heat in my chest.
So, instinctively, I placed my other hand right in the middle of my chest.
I wanted to take the fantasy a little further.
By the sea, on the sand…
We were kissing, loving each other.
The kiss I could never have in real life, I was finally having in my imagination.
Their neck, their face… I was kissing them with love.
We were touching each other with desire and passion.
And then, suddenly, I heard their voice.
Somewhere inside me, they were speaking, “Not much longer. We’ll reunite.”
The moment I heard that, I orgasmed. With my whole body contracting and trembling.
I had never experienced an orgasm like this in my life.
In fact, it couldn’t even be compared to any other orgasm.
There were no words for the intensity of the pleasure, for the ecstasy it gave me.
But when I checked, I realized there was no physical fluid.
How was this possible?
Driven by the confusion and excitement of what I’d just experienced, I immediately grabbed my phone.
They must have texted me.
I looked. There was no message.
The relief the orgasm had given me disappeared in an instant. I started sobbing.
If they had really forgotten me, then what was all of this?
If this connection wasn’t real, then what was the meaning of everything I was experiencing?
What was this? What was the name for this?
Was I losing my mind?
Every day, I woke up telling myself, “Maybe I won’t feel it today.”
But every day, right in the center of my heart, I witnessed my soul being with theirs.
And every day, everything about them that I felt in my body burned me.
Mercilessly. Without stopping.
And every day, every minute that I heard nothing from them…
I disappeared a little more.