I used to think I could tell within the first ten seconds of meeting someone whether we would connect.
At the same time, for as long as I can remember, I’ve never been able to fully feel at ease with anyone.
It was as if what I was looking for was something completely different.
Someone like me.
But I could never quite capture that feeling.
I could read people’s gestures, facial expressions, and emotions almost instantly.
Because of this, connecting with others was a challenge for me.
Despite this difficulty, I was looking for someone I could truly feel at ease with.
From the moment we started texting, our endless conversations began.
As they shared, I understood; as I shared, they understood.
“I’m looking for someone like me,” I told them.
They said they had never found anyone like themselves either, and had learned over time to adapt to this difference.
I kept wondering, Could it be them?
Could they be the one I was looking for?
For the first time, I felt understood while talking to someone.
In fact, beyond just understanding me, they would point out beautiful details about myself that I hadn’t even noticed, surprising me.
If someone has spent their whole life feeling misunderstood, what I’m describing feels like a miracle that is hard to believe…
After talking for about a month, we decided to meet.
The moment we first met, I said to myself,
Yes. This is exactly what I’ve been looking for.
It was such a feeling that I wanted to leap toward them in that moment.
The anxiety and restlessness I had carried inside me for years. The feeling of belonging to no one and nowhere. Vanished in an instant.
We hugged hello, and in that moment, I felt whole.
Chaos, anxiety… gone.
For the first time, I didn’t feel like a stranger beside someone. And for the first time, I witnessed someone touching my soul.
Was it love at first sight? I didn’t know.
Giving it a name, trying to put it in a box, felt impossible.
They had described themselves as talkative and energetic. But from the moment we met, they were still and silent.
No gestures, no expressions. It was as if they were hiding themselves.
This immediately made me anxious. Were they unhappy? Did they want to leave?
I couldn’t help it and asked, “Are you unhappy? We can leave if you want.”
“No,” they said.
“I lost my breath. I hadn’t expected to be this affected.”
I couldn’t find anything to say. Excitement, anxiety… everything was tangled together.
They kept talking, “The last time I felt something like this was in high school. I never imagined something like this could happen at my age. Hug me if you want to understand.”
I immediately hugged them. They were burning like fire.
Such warmth, such energy—there couldn’t be anything like it.
Perfect harmony.
Perfect energy between us.
How could this be possible?
How could a hug feel this beautiful?
It was so intense, so real.
Yet from the outside, they were still silent and expressionless.
I felt the need to ask, “Are you okay? Are you happy to be here?”
They said, “Sometimes my feelings become so intense that I focus entirely on myself. And in those moments, I can’t think about what the other person is feeling. I think this is the first time I’ve ever explained it to someone like this.”
We sat cross-legged facing each other on the sidewalk by the sea.
Five hours. How time passed, what we talked about—I had no idea. All I knew was that I had found them, and I thirsted for them.
Their presence, their energy, their voice, their body, their words…
They fit me perfectly in every way. Completely so.
To be understood, to understand, and to want to understand more.
To want to kiss, to want to love.
And feeling that you could never get enough of it all.
Perhaps this was the reason for the happiness and sorrow I felt.
My feelings, my desires had no limit, no end.